//BREATH//

The morning started out as it always does, 5 am alarm followed by my morning routine, but my knee was hurting so I did not do my workout and just did stretching instead.  Moved on and meditated, then got ready for work and drove to the office.  On my commute I listen to podcasts, and use that time to reflect on my day.

I get to work, and have this light energetic feel as I start to dive into the day, checking my calendar, responding to emails, etc.  Then something shifted.  I got a heavy feeling come over me, and I feel almost sick to my stomach.  There is a lot going on right now, and much of it is not going as I had planned or desired.

I am working thru adjusting my plans to meet the hurdles that I am facing, but there is definitely stress and anxiety tied to the things that are going on.

How do I juggle everything?  I see a few things have dropped, can I keep the remaining up?  What else is going to fall?

It seems easiest to just run and hide…stop juggling things and go back to safety…but what would that gain me?  My “problems” aren’t going away just because I don’t look at them.

I started a business last year, and have spent a lot of time and money to get it going.  I purchased multiple real estate investment properties, rehabbed them and now they are listed on the market for sale.  I have spent time and money on coaches, marketing, websites, books, information, and more to help me to build my business to become what I envision, and I am not there.  Not yet.

And that is ok.  I have just begun!  I am in the beginning…it is easier to see the mountain of struggle in front of me and turn around and run.  That is what I have done in the past…that is what many people do on a daily basis…but how badly do I want it? How much pain am I willing to endure to reach my goals?

I work for a company as a Technical Architect.  Basically I design and manage their IT systems and networks.  I have done this type of work since before I graduated high school.  My first job in IT was in my senior year of High School.  I have done something in that field for the past 20 years.  There have also been other fields I have worked in.  I have been in Real Estate for 10 years also, at one time I had a Real Estate office in Downtown Dallas and also owned an IT Consulting firm.

Throughout my career, I have been successful because I was willing to put in the work, do the things that others couldn’t or wouldn’t do.  Spend time learning, studying, perfecting my skills to know more than others around me, and when I became the smartest in the room, I moved to the next room.  I always wanted to learn from the best.  I wanted to learn what they knew then I wanted to find someone else to learn from.  I was a sponge.

Because I have worked in the IT industry for so long, that part of my life is safe/stable/easy.  I show up to work, do my job, and go home.  Sometimes I get called at night or on weekends, but mostly I just work my hours and that receive compensation.  Starting a business is nothing like that.  It is spending hour upon hour thinking about how and what to do, getting guidance from coaches/mentors, spending more time and money to get the business going then more to elevate it.  I have spent as much time outside of my 9-5, after hours, doing work on my business as I have at my desk of my 9-5.

Today I sit here writing this for myself…because I need to let out this anxiety…it is hard to explain what is going on…I don’t fully understand it myself…

What I do know is that I will put in the work.  I will continue to push forward and make my business successful.  Of course success may look different than I have in my head today.

I envision building a portfolio of rental properties, flipping dozens of houses, coaching and mentoring people to help make a difference in their lives, and who knows what else..I have friends creating stores on Amazon to sell product that they are having manufactured, I have friends who are writing best selling books, I have friends who are making huge impacts in peoples lives by helping their mindset and fitness, and that is just a few examples.

My dad worked at a company for 36 years, basically started work there right out of high school and retired from that company and immediately went to work for another company that he has been with for 12 years or so.  He has a pension, retirement, insurance, etc that will help he and my mom live out their retirement years.  That is awesome, but for my generation, and now there aren’t many places that offer a pension.  Social security is not likely to be around when I reach “retirement age”.

So what are my options?

I can invest in my 401k, buying mutual funds, bonds, cds, etc.  I call this traditional investing.  I do this, I put a portion of my salary into my 401k…but that isn’t enough…I don’t want to work until I am 65…I want to be able to enjoy my kids while they live at home, I want to travel with my wife without needing a scooter to get around.

Because I want..desire to be different…not follow the traditional work for 40 years then get a gold watch, I have to do something different.

But different is scary.  When you step out of the path that everyone takes, it is noticed…it is hard…it is dangerous…Fear tells you to quit…go back the other way…it is easy that way…it is safe that way…just accept average….just accept normal…just accept what others think you should do…

The fear comes in because success is not guaranteed.  In my job, I show up and get paid…of course something could happen, the company could lay me off or a hundred other things could happen that I could be out of a job…but the probability of those things happening are much lower than that of a business or investment failing.

According to the SBA, 50% of businesses fail in the first 5 years and 2/3 fail within 10 years.  That is not a good percentage if you are the business owner….flip a coin if you will make it past 5 years…of course it is not luck…it is desire, work ethic and drive that make you succeed or fail, but the number is still there…it is a difficult path…

It is this way with fitness…It was much easier to be the old me, that just came home, sat on the couch and ate nachos and ice cream.  I didn’t get up at 5 am to workout, I didn’t skip lunch to go to the gym then eat leftovers at my desk afterwards…I didn’t worry about eating organic, grass fed, no wheat, no sugar…etc etc etc…because I blindly followed the crowd…it was easy…It is easy to go thru the drivethru at Whataburger get a value meal whatasized and a large drink…it takes time to meal plan and cook and prepare…It is more expensive to eat healthy and clean…it is definitely not easy…but is it worth it?  To me YES…

Is working a full-time job and starting a business hard?  ABSOLUTELY!  Is it worth it?  To me YES…

I am still scared…I am still unsure…I still reach out to friends and coaches for advice, guidance and sometimes just to listen to me bitch about what all is going on…

AND THAT IS OK…

It is ok to feel fear…it is important what you do with it…are you going to back down and let fear stand between what you and your dreams?  What are you willing to go thru for your dreams?  Is your why big enough to get thru the fear, the hardship, the pain, the losses?

I do not have all the answers…I do not know what tomorrow brings…but I am standing today, and I will continue to move forward…into the unknown…into fear…to create my future…to create my legacy…

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